to the things that still remain or the one that are gone but i remember.
1
indeed, as people say, “sometimes we understand something in a mysterious way”. that is how i felt. you might never know that i was not trully interested in taking an internship ath the energy plant. despite how amazed others were by mine. but, through it, i met many people and few of them changed the way i see of my life. in the end, i admit it was the biggest unplanned gift i’ve ever received.
they told me i’m the only person who makes them smile and laugh with my natural silliness and unexpected answer. something that had never happened with any intern before. one guy called me “you-wont-get-people-like-me-easily” because of the way i think, my hobbies, my collections, my interests, and so much more. others might find those traits somewhere, i suppose, but i realized my culture is considered niche.
then someone asked mesensitive questions that made me feel different in an instant. i never thought that would happen during my internship. even now, it feels strange to remember. “how did they know?” i wondered. it left me a little uncomfortable.
someone suspected i was facing a problem since i seemed to forget things easily. i have no idea why. although i dont feel that way myself. maybe, my brain is overworked and its perfomance has declined. someone gave me advice and i tried it, hoping it would help.
since then, i’ve noticed many things have changed. yet i still do the same things to situations that no longer work the way they used to. it’s miserable enough for someone like me, who never believes in endings; just pauses. like the denial i mentioned in a previous post you might have read: i’m happy to go out like this if happy is the word
2
after i graduating from high school, i started to understand what friendship truly is. i’m too shy to say nice things about them out lod. so, i keep it all inside, which makes people think i’m heartless and careless. but, i always help and show attention in ways they dont recognize.
it’s strange when you are forced to accept that some people people you’ll never meet again after graduation: whether from college, work, or even life itself. no matter how much you miss them. the only connection left is through the internet. that hurts.
i keep many physical thing of them that i store on my rack. also, i back up photos and videos of our memories. sometimes, looking at them makes me smile and feel sad at the same time. like a youtube comment i once saw: appreciate the things you have, before they become the things you had; that is me.
now, i have many new friends and behave in a fresh way. no more broken hearts or uncomfortable problems. i’m beginning to understand them; who they are, why they are, and what they mean. still, some dont feel like i wanted. but that is okay. this is the diversity that i have to accept. maybe, they have their strengths and their own paths.
3
when someone asks me about a best friend, i always fail to think or imagine one, until i see everything about her, then i understand what it truly means.
the past me was a liar. i did a foolish thing. i broke many people’s heart. but i did not want to end up that, instead, what i wanted did not alignt with reality. similar to facts does not care about your feeling. then, my close friend explained everything and it changed to me. imagine how hard that was, but it hurts more to live throught it unchanged.
from them, i learned that not everyone has the ability of understand. understanding the thing we believe are good and questioning why they are not, sometimes takes a lot of time to see the truth of why something does not work. i always seek a another-my-secret-world-ish, but most of them dont work. in the end, i know, they are priceless.
fiuh, you might think that i am better than before; after all the madness i’ve done. if you’ve seen that side of me, it’s enough to explain how much they mean.
you rarely know how they mean to me for the life i’ve lived. from the advice and understanding they gave, i learned everything. perhaps, my current life would never be the same without them.
thank you, thank you, thank you, i owe you one.